Not for the faint hearted.....

So I pulled myself together, got on a bus, and headed to Tena to meet James. The fab thing about buses in Ecuador is, if you get on when you are hungry there is no need to worry because at every stop a banquet of food comes on board. You can buy yucca bread, yucca cakes, yucca crisps, fruit, drinks, hot dogs and chips, peanuts....you name it.

Anyway, our plan was to go on a jungle tour and do Ayahuasca....a hallucinogenic natural medicine that shamans drink and then miraculously can see what is wrong with you, and then they cure you.

So, I met James at the hostel, and he was waiting for a German girl he had met in Banos whilst misbehaving (Claudia) and she arrived and we booked ourselves on a white water rafting trip the next day. It turned out to be AMAZING. Really really beautiful, along the Rio Napo. Fantastic rapids, yummy tortillas for lunch with guacamole and refried beans, that the guide made there and then in the middle of nowhere and it was such a gorgeous day. There was no one else around apart from local kids washing their clothes and swimming on the riverbanks and rafting is great. I love it.

The next day, on our mission to find a Shaman (it was proving harder than we thought) we checked out and got on a bus to Mishahualli where we thought we´d find our Shaman. Cut a long story short, the place was pretty deserted, apart from the horrible Capuchin monkeys in the Plaza that everyone was cooing over until one of them stole a girls teddy, ripped its head off and sat on the top of the bus shelter banging the head up and down and screaming (nasty little fuckers). So, the lady in our hostel recommended a Shaman and off we trekked to the next town and eventually found the Shaman´s house which was a wooden affair (like all the other indigenous homes=, but with all the latest hitech equipment....tv, stereo etc. The place gave me bad vibes and, although he said we could go back there that night (you have to take the ´medicine¨at night, otherwise you dont have any visions) we all decided that what we really wanted was to find a lodge with a Shaman and stay in the jungle and take Ayahuasca.

So we left Claudia in Mishahuallí cos she wanted to see more of the animals and James and I headed back to Tena. Spent the next day walking up and down the main street trying to find out if anyone knew Don Augustin (a reputable Shaman in the area), but it seemed we were on a wild goose chase, so James went back to the hostel (we both felt quite exhuasted with colds) and I went to the internet. Cutting another story short, I was on the phone to Don Clever (Augustin´s son) and he said he was in their jungle lodge and couldn´t come and get us, but his mum was leaving Tena the next day to go the lodge and we could go with her. By this time Claudia had reappeared and we had accumulated a Russian (who was slightly bonkers) and the next morning we headed off to the lodge.

It was beautiful, right in the middle of nowhere, by the river and, even better, the whole extended family was there, with all the kids, because it was Easter holidays. The lodge is owned by Don Augustin, he has about 12 kids and most work and live there. They are an indigenous family who speak Quichua as their first language, so it all felt very authentic. We spent the first day walking through the rainforest, with our guide (Don A´s son) explaining various plants and how they are used as medicines, saw ants that you can rub onto your skin as mozzie repellent, ate the cacao fruit (delicious) and went swimming in a lovely waterfall. Got back to the lodge and were shown how Ayahuasca is prepared. Its a vine and they strip the bark, chop it up, mix it with water and reduce it down to a bitter tasting liquid. Then we had a talk about its spiritual qualities, how it opens your heart and mind and once you take it your life will have a new beginning. All very positive....HOWEVER, you have to be prepared to vomit, its part of the process of purging all the badness and sins you have inside of you, and then you are likely to have all kinds of epiphanies and your life with start afresh.

So, with no dinner permitted I went to sleep for 2 hours and then it was Ayahuasca time. I was a bit nervous, but there were other people who had been there a few days and taken it, and they said all would be fine.

So I downed the revolting tasting cupful I was given...and waited....all the lights were turned out and mattresses were brought out and we all got comfy. About half an hour later my arms started tingling and my head was buzzing. The sounds of the jungle (loud anyway) were massively magnified and then pretty much everyone around me started puking (charming I know). I lay there, feeling a bit all over the place, but I felt OK, no nausea....waiting to be sick....nothing. I started having conversations with myself, about myself in my head, couldnt really decide who was the real me, gave up and decided to stare out at the trees, which kept turning into giant spanners. I kept thinking things were crawling all over me (to be fair, we were outside in the jungle, so to this day I dont know if I was imagining it or not).

James said later that when he was throwing up over the balcony (the designated puking area) he kept thinking there was an old lady looking up and offering him water, and all he wanted her to do was move out of the way cos he wanted to puke, but he didnt want to say anything out loud because he was worried everyone might think he was mad....this is the insania that Ayahuasca brings....!

Poor Claudia was terrified, but she had moved away from me to be sick over the balcony and my legs were too wobbly to walk and it was soooo dark and my head was all over the place, but it was really frustrating cos I knew the feeling would pass and I just wanted to tell her that, but I couldnt get over to her. So I just lay there....waiting to be sick....still nothing. I started to worry, surely this was abnormal?

Now readers, you mustn´t be concerned whilst reading this, because all the time this is how I felt....one Jo (lets call her Jo (a)) was imagining her liver was broken (hence no vomiting), Jo (b) was telling Jo (a) to get a grip and not be so stupid and Jo (c) thought the whole thing was really very funny and quite ridiculous, oh and Jo (d) didnt really have a clue what was going on. And so it went on....

Then one of Don A´s sons came over to me to take me over to the Don for the cleansing ceremony. I had no idea what was about to happen and managed to get up on the wobbliest legs ever and, clinging onto him for dear life, was delivered to the Don. I was sitting on a cushion and in front of me was the Don, frankly it may as well have been a bear for all I knew or all I could actually see. He began chanting and passing what felt like torn up bin bags over my face and arms. I tried to rationalise....these were probably sacred chicken feathers or similar...and once again was trying to work out what was going on, but also trying very hard not to laugh (after all, this was a sacred ceremony scenario, with an epiphany at the end).

The Shaman was blowing on me and making ¨coughing up greener¨ sounds (all very disconcerting) and my head was here, there and everywhere and still no puking. I was taken back to my mattress and started to remind myself that this feeling was precisely why I hadn´t taken acid for years....mind you, this had the added bonus of vomiting...bring on the size 0!

FINALLY, 2 hours later, when most of the effects of the "medicine" had passed, I made a half hearted attempt and was a bit sick...now I am sorry...this is VILE, but I vomited up thee most disgusting sick ever, soooo bitter and horrid and, to add insult to injury, I didnt even feel that relieved afterwards.

I took myself off to bed, reminding myself never to take anything like it again. No epiphany, no proper purging, NOTHING, perhaps I am sinless after all.

I lay in bed utterly relieved and had a lovely sleep. Felt a bit tender the next day, but in general OK and went off with James to cover ourselves in purifying mud....

Well, I know I am soooo far behind with this blog, as I am now in Colombia (Popayan, its beautiful, lovely coffee, lovely buildings and amazing clothes shops!), but I will continue with the story of the Shaman in the next chapter because there is more to tell....

Oh and by the way, cleansing your sins MY ARSE. Clearly you vomit because your liver is utterly horrified at what you have just imbibed....The only epiphany I had was that I am never taking ayahuasca again, give me a pill with a smiley face on it anyday....